Post By Manga Shoggoth Tue Jul 06, 2004 at 07:50:04 am EDT	Subject "Vampire Hunting in Soho" in which the Manga Shoggoth proves that he can write dreadful jokes in places other than HH's attic.
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Vampire Hunting in Soho

A story by the Manga Shoggoth

Who admits that this is an old joke, inspired in part by "A Vampire in Nerima" by Gary Kleppe and the weekend spent watching videos of a certain vampire-related genre in HH's attic.

Characters in this story are owned either by myself, or other posters on the Board.

Terror stalked the streets of Soho.

Well...Not exactly. One of the local girls had disappeared for a few days, and then turned up dead, her throat cut and her body drained of blood.

Then her body vanished as well.

"Not a problem" was the attitude of the local police, who were already overloaded with work. "No next of kin, no complaints."

To those more experienced with the occult, there was a grave problem indeed.

Ebony of Nubilia, High Priestess of the Cult of The Shoggoth, started to plan her trap.

The night life in Soho is well known. In the past this mostly consisted of the local pubs running private (and illegal) all-night sessions, but in recent times the Cafes have started going for extended licences. There has even been the occasional all-night party.

On this night, one of the street cafes was hosting - according to the banner, at least - the Annual Convocation of the Honourable Society of Sacrificial Virgins, Valkyrs, Victims and Syncopes(1) (Come as your Predator Party).

Tables were set up along the street laden with delicacies from all over the world. The street was packed with costumed figures - mostly female - dressed as High Priests, Dragons, Melodramatic Villains and one very credible attempt at dressing up as a Steam Train. There were even a few members in the Men's Chapter dressed up as High Priestesses, a thing that would have passed with comment anywhere else but Soho.

Presiding over the affair was Ebony, in full High Priestess regalia(2), strictly applying the 6 inch rule.

At midnight, the covers were thrown off the tables, and the feeding frenzy began.

Amongst the revellers strode a couple dressed in authentic vampire costumes. The man, a pale gentleman of indeterminate age, was making desultory (and unsuccessful) attempts to break free of his companion. His companion, a younger and less pale girl, was towing him from table to table, intent on sampling as much of the food as possible.

Despite the protestations of the man, who wanted to go and find something to drink, the girl maintained her assault on the tables.

Unobtrusively, Ebony tracked their progress through the meal.

When the church clocks began to strike Two, the tables were cleared and reset with desserts, merangues, cakes and other trifles.

The whole company fell to, displaying great feats of trenchermanship.

The girl dressed as a vampire started a run through the junket(3). Her companion, who was clearly becoming bored with the event, made several attempts to leave, only to be dragged back into the fray by the other guests.

At Three O'clock, the post-prandial drinks were served. Snacks and drinks were laid out and sampled by all present save one, who haughtily declared that he didn't drink wine.

His declaration was slightly Doppler-distorted due to being dragged round the snacks by his companion, who was eating like there was no tomorrow.

And then, tomorrow arrived. The sun rose over the buildings, illuminating the streets. The whole company turned and toasted the sunrise.

All except two, who crumbled into ashes.

The locals of Soho had long doffed their costumes and tidied up the street. The remains of the banquet were even now being served up to unsuspecting customers, and the street was returning to normal.

That was expensive, noted the Shoggoth to Ebony, And it nearly didn't work.

"It was worth it." she replied. "Besides, how could it fail. That was Buffet, the Vampire Slayer."

Notes for the interested and confused:

(1) Syncope, n. (Gram.) syncopated spelling or pronunciation; (med.) fainting, loss of consciousness from fall of blood-pressure.

(2) Similar to her normal flowing robes, but less of it. She sometimes felt that the Fantasy genre had a lot to answer for.

(3) In addition to its colloquial meaning, junket is a dish of sweetened curds and whey, sometimes topped with cream.

Copyright © 2004 by Mangacool Adventure